Go to Hell. That’s how EA started off its 2009 E3 press brief, and for a while I thought maybe I had. Maybe we’re too spoiled by early leaks, blood, and guts, but the EA press conference left much to be desired. Until the end.

Opening The trailers for Dante’s Inferno and Mass Effect 2 were by now a little too familiar, showing what seemed to be 90% “old” material with a slightly different ending. Don’t get me wrong; I plan on purchasing both when the time comes, but I was hoping for footage or video that hadn’t been leaked previously.

Chicks, dogs and chicks After that came Littlest Pet Shop Online, which is Hasbro’s answer to the megahit that is Ganz’ Webkinz line. Now you can take your oddly-proportioned little pet and flesh out its story and wardrobe online. Accessorize with blinged out collars and…All right I’ll stop right there and just say that if your kids have Webkinz animals, now they’ll bug you for cash and internet access for their Littlest Pet.

Aiming for the tween and early teenage girl crowd is the Charm Girls Club. Instead of your daughter customizing her stuffed animals’ alter egos, she customizes hers with fashionable mini-skirts and high heels. I mean, what father doesn’t want his little girl frothing at the mouth over Jimmy Choo lookalike shoes? I digress, as always.

Racing Next came Need For Shift, the “new standard” and “the definitive racing game of this generation.” I thought I had gone back in time Star Trek-style and was back listening to the guy at Microsoft’s presser describing Forza. Anyway, NFS Shift has a new cockpit, new driver profiles, and, stuff. I’m more a Gran Turismo guy, but again, I digress.

EA Sports EA Sports took the longest time slot of them all, beginning with Fight Night 4 and its new physics engine. I’m not much for the boxing games, but after a long break from them it’s good to see they’ve improved the genre so much. The graphics were better, the models were more fluid, and I’m still not buying it. EA Sports Active had the help of a former Days of Our Lives actress, who lost all her baby weight with EA Sports Active and nothing else.

Grand Slam Tennis was demonstrated in a match between Pete Sampras and some EA guy. After a 4-year break from EA football games, the players still look like their feet don’t touch the ground. Good news for football HR wannabes: you can still recruit, draft and trade players at your will.

Star Wars: The Old Republic Star Wars, Jedi, Sith and Mandalorian lovers got a kick out of the stage presentation for The Old Republic today. Well, it was less of a demonstration and more a bunch of guys in robes wielding lightsabers on the BioWare guys’ flanks. I recognized what I believe were costumes made from the concept art, but I can’t be sure without a few minutes of checking.

You may be used to the TOR web comics; today they showed the first ever cinematic trailer for Star Wars: The Old Republic, and I loved it. Sith vs. Jedi with a little bit of female Mandalorian Bounty Hunter mixed in - what’s not to love? That wraps up the EA E3 roundup. On to Ubisoft! Yea, come follow us on twitter for our off the cuff impressions. It’s almost like being there … not really, but it’s the best we can do.